beatrice_otter | Fic: Home Is Not A Place

Title: Home Is Not A Place
Fandom: Thrawn Trilogy
Author: Beatrice_otter
Written for:

rarepairsexchange 2019
Betaed by: Shadras
Word Count: 14,404 words
Rating: Teen
Warnings: past brainwashing

Summary: They all have different wants and needs. Somehow, they're going to figure this out.

On AO3. On tumblr. On Pillowfort.

Chapter One

Calrissian had welcomed Mara aboard the Falcon with as courtly and smooth a gentility as any Imperial courtier could have managed—and with considerably less smarm than most. Furthermore, he immediately dropped it when she didn't respond in kind. Smarter than Imperial Intelligence had given him credit for, it seemed. She got to work puzzling out the route to Wayland and the Emperor's storehouse there, and ignored him and all the other passengers of the ship with varying levels of success.

Two day's travel out from Wayland she ran out of luck avoiding her fellow passengers. Skywalker was the only one she really didn't want to see, but it wasn't as though she particularly wanted to bond with his friends, either. Still, the Falcon was a small ship. There was the cockpit, the lounge, the crew quarters (Solo, Skywalker, Calrissian, and Chewbacca had been sleeping in shifts), the tiny forward hold they put an inflatable mattress in for her, and the empty number three hold, which they took turns using for exercise. Skywalker was using it right now, and Mara was getting cabin fever in her glorified closet, so she'd decided to get a meal.

To her chagrin, Calrissian—and only Calrissian—was seated at the holotable, sipping caf idly. It was the first time she'd failed to catch the lounge either empty or full. Empty was preferable, but when there were at least two people sitting at the holotable, she had an excuse to sit at the engineering station without obviously snubbing the people she'd be assaulting the Emperor's stronghold with in a few days.

"You're welcome to join me, Ms. Jade," he said, as she eyed him. "But I won't be offended if you don't."

It was the warm amusement in his voice that decided her, as she doctored her caf to her tastes. Not challenging enough to be hostile, or put her in a corner; just enough to make it clear that if she left now with her caf, he'd know it hadn't been her original intention. "All right," she said, opening the cooler to take out leftovers from lunch. It was the work of a few seconds to scoop out a generous portion—Solo was a decent cook, which hadn't been in the Imperial reports—and warm it.

"I don't know if I've given you condolences for your mining operation on Nkllon," Mara said as she slid onto the bench opposite Calrissian. Maybe, if he didn't want to talk about it, it would be enough to shut him up.

Calrissian sighed and looked down. "Thanks," he said. "It's the second time the Empire has swooped in and destroyed my life. I really hate those guys."

Mara bit down her instinctive reaction; if he hadn't defied the Empire and helped Skywalker and his friends escape Vader's trap, his Bespin operation wouldn't have been seized. I need to work with him, she reminded herself.

Underneath that was a pang of unwilling sympathy. She knew what it was like to lose everything. He earned it, at least the first time, she reminded herself. It hadn't been cruelty or malice or greed or … or whatever hold it was Skywalker had held over Vader that had turned him against the Emperor. "Well," she said, "if we can destroy Wayland, you'll have gotten that much revenge, at least." She dug in to the spicy protein-and-vegetable mix.

Calrissian shrugged. "What good does vengeance do anyone?" he asked. "You can't live on it. It won't keep you warm at night or feed you or win you friends. It won't replace what you lost or bring back those who died. It won't help you rebuild. I'm doing this because it's the most important thing I can do to deny the Empire the capability to wipe me—or anyone else—out again. Then I'm going to figure out how I'm going to rebuild my life." He grimaced. "Somehow."

"Vengeance would make me feel better, at least," Mara said. She'd already rebuilt her life as best she could, out of the ashes Skywalker had left her. If she killed Skywalker, her master's ghost might leave her alone long enough to actually live it. She shook her head to chase the disloyalty of that thought away.

"For how long?" Calrissian asked.

"Long enough," Mara said, focusing on her meal. She should have just stayed in her closet.

"You know, Luke's really not a bad guy, once you get to know him," Lando said, their second day hiking across Wayland. Luke was scouting ahead, and Han and Chewie were on outer perimeter, in earshot but not close enough to comfortably converse with. And trundling through the forest was dangerous but boring.

"I know him as well as I need to, and more than I want," Jade said, grabbing on to Artoo to help lift him over a tree root.

Lando grabbed Artoo’s other side and up the droid went. "I'm just saying, the two of you are a great team already, but I can tell you don't like him, and I want us all to work together well when we hit that mountain. If he offended you in some way, I'm sure it was unintentional."

"Offended me?" Jade said with a snort. "No." Her attention turned inward, as if she were listening to something nobody else could see. She did that sometimes, especially when the conversation turned to Luke.

Lando was curious, and more than that, he was worried she’d get distracted by whatever was going on inside her at a crucial moment.

"He's a model of charm and politeness,” Jade said sarcastically, shaking herself back to full awareness.

"Polite, yes," Lando said. "Honest, certainly. To a fault, sometimes; he'd find it a lot easier to get the political support he needs to gather any remaining Jedi lore and rebuild the order if he were willing to be a bit less honest, sometimes. Charming?" He gave her a smile. "He doesn't hold a candle to me."

"I suppose not," Jade said, eyeing him with what his practiced eye saw as unwilling appreciation.

Lando didn’t quite have the energy to preen, and anyway, after days of hiking he wasn’t exactly at his best. Still, given that charm was his tool of choice, it was nice to know he still had it.

"Does he want to rebuild the Jedi?" she asked dubiously.

"Yes," Lando said. "Starting with himself and Leia and the twins. But the Empire purged most of the records he needs—everything from organizational structure to training manuals to philosophical tracts—and seeking out what remains takes money and resources he doesn’t have without backers.”

“How much do you think he’d be willing to pay for such items?” Jade asked, and Lando wondered what a collector like Karrde might have stashed away.

“That depends entirely on how much he can scare up from the New Republic and private donors,” Lando said. “I’ve spotted him some cash in the past, but I won't be able to do that again for a while.”

Luke was staring at the ruins of the mountain when Lando came up to him. "And, again, we won a great victory against terrible odds, and, again, you are not as happy as the rest of us," Lando noted.

"Last time, my father had just died," Luke said. He could say that, here; Karrde and his people weren't nearby, and none of the locals knew or cared who he or his father was. "And all the hopes and dreams I'd ever had about him. Plus, I was still in a lot of pain from the Emperor's lightning." It had been an odd sort of grief; he'd mourned the young man his father had once been, the good man and Jedi and friend of Ben's. But while he'd had hopes of redeeming his father, there had also been relief that he hadn't lived long enough to try. Just long enough to take back his own name and throw off his master's power; not long enough that he or Luke or anyone else had to face the consequences of who he had been and what he had done for twenty years.

"And this time, nobody died that we care about, and you didn't get roasted," Lando said. "So what's up?"

Luke shrugged. "I just … you know, I've met a more Dark force-users than light ones? I was trained by two Jedi, and this is the third Dark Jedi or Sith I've had to fight. If I do this wrong, am I setting the galaxy up for more Emperors, more C'baoths?"

Lando cocked his head, and considered. "The Jedi existed for over a thousand generations," he said. "If half or more Force-users went Dark-side on them, I doubt they would have lasted that long. Nobody would have stood for it, no matter what their powers were."

"True," Luke said, relieved. He could always count on Lando for good practical common sense. "But—"

"But the reason things are different now is that all the good ones got killed off," Lando said. "It doesn't mean that if you start rebuilding, you're always going to have people going Dark on you. If there's someone you don't think will be able to handle the power responsibly, you don't have to train them."

"But what if they go Dark later?" Luke asked. "Ben always said my father was a great Jedi, until he turned. I don't think Ben would have trained him if he'd been Dark to begin with, and he certainly wouldn't have called him a dear friend."

"People don't go off the rails for no reason," Lando said. "You know, for all you talk about the mysticism of light and dark, I wonder what the psychology of the whole thing is. I bet your father was messed up about something, and I bet that if he'd had peace and quiet and therapy instead of a war to fight, things would have gone differently. Maybe that's what you need to do. Have a counselor or two around to help people deal with whatever bantha shit they're carrying around with them."

"The Light and Dark do exist, in a very real, practical way," Luke said. "I've felt them." It wasn't always obvious, in the moment, which was which; they could be deceptive. The Dark could feel warm and inviting, the Light could feel cold and remote, but when you took a step back, when you calmed your heart and your mind, the difference—and the Dark's deceptions—became clear.

"I don't doubt you," Lando said, conceding the point. "But my point is, I'm sure the less stable you are on your own, the easier it is for the Dark Side to mess with you."

Luke opened his mouth, and stopped, remembering Yoda's words. You will know when you are calm, at peace. "You know, you're right," he said.

"Why sound so surprised?" Lando said with a laugh. "You should know I'm always right, by now. I'm the smartest friend you have, and the most charming."

"Handsome, too," Luke said with a smile. "And willing to drop everything to help out when we need it. Thank you, this would have been so much harder without you."

Lando's smile slipped. "Yeah," he said. "Well, when I don't have anything to go back to…."

"Any idea for what you'll do next?" Luke asked. "Try to rebuild Nkllon?"

Lando sighed. "I don't know. I like running a city, a really complicated operation, and I'm good at mining. Nkllon was starting to get really profitable. But even though we more than paid out our startup costs—and even though nobody but the Empire could have pulled that raid off, and the Empire isn't going to be in a position to do it again any time soon—I probably won't be able to get quite enough capital to replace everything. That was sort of—you know, right after the New Republic formed and everyone was riding high on the sheer improbability of pushing the Empire off Coruscant, it was fairly easy to get money for long-shot investments. I don't think it'll be that easy, now."

"You could help me look for Jedi things, and help me set up a new Jedi Order," Luke offered. "Maybe run our finances."

"Maybe someday," Lando said. "It would probably be an interesting challenge, but I think I'm not quite ready to give up trying to make it as a respectable businessman."

"Well," Luke said, reaching over to clasp his hand, "you know I'll do anything I can to help."

"Likewise," Lando said. He held on for just a touch longer than normal.

Mara was thinking about Skywalker. Luke. She was imagining what he looked like in great detail, and imagining conversation with him on a variety of subjects. Not because she particularly cared about anything they might talk about, but because for the first time in years, she could do so without having her brain hijacked, and it was a glorious feeling.

How had she never seen it for a compulsion? How had she never realized? It was so obvious, in retrospect. She’d known he was powerful, known he could change her perceptions, known he could implant things in her mind; he’d done it often enough in training, when he didn’t have the time or the desire to teach her the old-fashioned way. (And now, somehow, looking back, that felt … bad, somehow, though she’d liked it well enough at the time.)

And full audiovisual hallucinations, those were not normal. But she hadn’t even noticed that. She’d just accepted that it was how things were. If she’d found a doctor or a psychiatric meddroid, would they have been able to give her anything to make the hallucinations go away? If she’d seen what they were, if she’d been able to think rationally about them and dig into her own mind, with or without medical assistance, could she have gotten rid of it earlier? Could she have found a way to stay in one of the earlier places she’d made for herself? The last five years hadn’t been just one great loss, and then rebuilding; it had been one great loss and then getting her feet kicked out from under her again every time she found a place to fit. And all those subsequent losses, those were the Emperor’s fault when his last compulsion kicked in and tried to control her.

But that was too big a thought to quite examine head-on. She turned back to her imaginary Luke, put him in one of the lacey, skimpy costumes worn by the Emperor’s dancing boys, and considered what the final confrontation at Endor might have looked like then. And, almost holding her breath at the daring, imagined the Emperor in brightly-colored resort wear. (Vader she could not quite picture in anything but his armor, but she did give him a glittery cape instead of a matte black one.)

“Oh! Sorry to disturb you.”

Mara turned to see Lando in the open hatchway. Had she really let herself get distracted enough not to notice him enter?

“It’s fine,” she said. “What were you looking for?” This was an out of the way nook, one of several she knew throughout the Wild Karrde, and used whenever she needed quiet and privacy. There were only two private quarters on the ship, and one belonged to Karrde, and Lando had rented the other, leaving her in the crew bunkroom.

“I was looking for Karrde, to see if I could get permission to use your database and recent holonet digests to look for business opportunities,” Lando said.

“I can authorize that,” Mara said, “but it’ll cost you.” Information was Karrde’s stock in trade, and he did not sell it cheaply.

“I figured,” Lando said. “How much?”

Mara quoted him a figure, and he winced. “With no income currently incoming, I think I’ll have to pass, and wait until we get back to Coruscant and I can trade on my war hero status.”

“Fair enough,” Mara said.

Lando paused, cocked his head, and looked at her with a gleam in his eye. "Well! It seems like I have more free time than I had anticipated. Would you care to join me for dinner? I haven't said thank you for keeping Luke from doing anything stupidly heroic back at the mountain, yet."

"A redi-meal in the ship's lounge, what an honor," Mara said wryly. "And perhaps something more … recreational after, is that it?"

Lando raised his eyebrows. "Only if you were interested," he said, "although I do have to tell you, I am exceptional in bed. Or out of it."

"I don't know, I have high standards," Mara said. The Emperor had never required sexual service from her—he had other, less skilled and specialized agents for that—but the Imperial Court had made a sport out of bedroom games. She looked Lando up and down. He was handsome, he was charming, he was not one of Karrde's people so she wouldn't have to work with him again if things went sour, and it would be by far the most entertaining way to burn off energy while stuck on a ship. "How about this: we skip straight to the recreation, and you can buy me dinner when we get back to Coruscant."

"An excellent suggestion, madam," Lando said, sweeping her a bow and offering her his arm.

The Falcon was faster than the Wild Karrde, so Luke was there to welcome them back to Coruscant. He wanted to see Mara again; she'd had a huge shock, and he was hoping to recruit her to help rebuild the Jedi. Leaving aside the Emperor's darkness—which he didn't seem to have passed on to her—she knew techniques that he didn't. And besides, he liked her. Sharp edges and all, she was resilient and principled in a way Luke admired deeply, even if he didn't always agree with her principles.

Leia stood beside him on the landing platform, wisps of hair blowing despite the wind dampeners. She was here to smooth Karrde's way through the bureaucracy and facilitate the intelligence deal she was hoping for.

The ship landed, and Karrde was the first one down the ramp. Luke let Leia take the lead, glancing behind him to see Lando and Mara walking down the ramp together. They looked … familiar. More comfortable than they had been when they left Wayland. He frowned, reaching out with the Force. Definitely more comfortable.

At the bottom of the ramp, Lando kissed Mara's hand and said something to her Luke couldn't make out without enhancing his hearing, which would have been an intrusion. Mara smirked and responded in turn. Lando winked at her and headed off, nodding to Luke as he passed.

Had … had they slept together on the way? Luke had a sudden vision of the two of them together, and flushed. That was … wow. They were both attractive enough individually, but together…. And he shouldn't be thinking of his friends like that, probably. He could feel his face heating up as Mara looked at him and raised an eyebrow. Could she tell what he was thinking about? Or feel enough to make a good guess? He took a deep breath and thought about something else. The ongoing political issues here on Coruscant would do.

"Hello, Mara," he said as she reached him, and only narrowly stopped himself from asking how the trip had been.

"Luke," she said shortly, before turning his attention to what Leia and Karrde were talking about.

Luke was relieved. He'd never consciously thought of either of them in that way before, but now he had a feeling he'd never not be attracted to them, individually or together.

Chapter Two

Lando read the business plan through a second time, more carefully. It was just as harebrained (on the surface) as Nkllon had been. When he finished, he leaned back in his chair and considered his next move. He'd been at loose ends for a few years, and was getting bored. But this did not sound like the direction he wanted to go, and he couldn't put his finger on why.

He'd rebuilt Nkllon, just to show it could be done and stick one in the Empire's eye, but it wasn't the same. He hadn't been able to relax and settle into the day-to-day running of the enterprise and the civil administration of the system. He'd had one eye over his shoulder the whole time. Never mind that the Empire was firmly in retreat mode again, never mind that very few other organizations would have had the resources to pull of either raid (and none of those groups were close enough to make it worth their while), he had always been waiting for the other shoe to drop.

So Lando had sold the operation for a tidy profit and invested in other ventures. He now had diversified shares in a variety of shipbuilding, mining, and shipping ventures, because given the amount of tonnage that was either being chewed up in combat or used for military logistics (and had been over the last several decades), there was a dire need for more ships and shipping companies throughout the galaxy, and investing in them was basically a license to print credits. Lando was doing very well for himself these days, with more spendable cash on hand than he'd had even at the heyday of Bespin or Nkllon.

Problem was, he was bored. He didn't have a business to run or a city to administer (and the thought of becoming a New Republic administrator and tied up in their conflicting squabbles made him shudder). He was far too well-known to go back to being a con-artist; the people he'd most want to target were all either Imperials or rich people who had supported the Empire, and it would be far too easy for them to recognize him unless he did something drastic like dyed his skin and resculpted his face. Gambling … lost much of its appeal when it was his only work and not just a sideline in between larger operations.

He needed something big. Something to absorb himself in. Something worth his time and effort. Maybe it was time to start another mining operation; find someplace like Nkllon that had incredible resources that nobody had tapped because of the difficulty involved, and find some way around it.

But this proposal he'd been forwarded, there was something fishy about it. The meeting he'd been invited to, at which further details (and sales pitch) would be involved, was on the Estainia Resort Islands on Vagran, but that meant nothing; Lando had held some of his own sales pitches at resorts when he was raising money for Nkllon, depending on which investors he was targeting. Still, there was something …. He shook his head.

His console dinged with another message. It was a holo from Luke, and Lando smiled as he opened his friend's call.

"Hello, Lando," Luke said. "I hope this finds you well. I've heard of a collector with a selection of Jedi artifacts including training materials and philosophical tracts, and I was wondering if you had the time to go and check it out and negotiate a purchase. I'd go myself, but we just got a new student at the academy, and I hate to leave when they're new." Luke smiled. "I don't know how you'll be able to tell if they're genuine, but if they are, I'll pay anything to get them."

"That's why they always charge you ten times the going rate," Lando told the hologram.

"Maybe it would work to have the funds in escrow until I can look them over and verify them," Luke went on. "In any case, you should stop by Yavin sometime soon. It's been a while since you've been close enough to talk in person, and I'd be interested to get your perspective on some things. You were right about L'Noy, though; they've been so helpful."

Lando wondered what baggage, exactly, the new student had brought with them to make Luke so glad for the therapist Lando had badgered him into getting.

"Thank you again for everything you've done; I can't imagine trying to do this alone."

Lando checked the information Luke sent and raised his eyebrows. Quite a coincidence (although Luke would claim it was the Force, Lando was unconvinced). The collector's primary residence was a large privately-owned island on Vagran. How convenient.

Last time Lando had talked with Mara, she'd been cleaning out disloyalty and mismanagement in Karrde's Altawar branch, which was only a short hop from Vagran. Lando checked a chrono, and it was daytime on Altawar's main continent. He set up a call to Mara's comlink and waited.

She answered with voice-only. "Yes?" she asked brusquely.

"Hello, Mara," Lando said, smiling. "How are things on Altawar?"

"Karrde's usually a good judge of character, I don't know how he allowed this mix of incompetence and disloyalty in the top people here," Mara said. "I've had to replace most of the top two tiers of leadership, and it's taken months to train up their replacements to the right standard. But we're finally getting someplace."

"I'm glad," Lando said. "Will you be done soon?"

"I could probably leave today, if I had to, although I'd prefer another two weeks at least."

"I'm in no hurry," Lando said, "but I was hoping you'd be willing to join me at the Estainia Resort Islands when you're done there."

There was a pause. "Estainia is a bit above your usual price range, isn't it?"

Lando shrugged. It was true, if he was going to go on vacation, he generally preferred the less-famous resorts where you got a better mix of actual amenities and less emphasis on being Seen By The Right People. "I've been invited to hear about a business proposal there, and I thought, why not. And, it's close by for you."

"Do you want me there for the business proposal, or for the company?" Mara asked.

"For the company," Lando said. "I can decide on business myself. Luke also thinks there's a Jedi collector on Vagran as well, and wants me to check out their collection, and if you wouldn't mind evaluating the artifacts from a Force-sensitive perspective, that would give me a much better bargaining position. But I can always insist on the money being put in escrow until the artifacts are verified by someone else. When was the last time you went on vacation?"

"That time we went to the Reidi Artom," Mara said.

"That was a year ago," Lando said. "You're due for some time off. Relax. Climb a mountain for fun, and not because it's a mission. Lay on a beach and drink exotic fruity drinks. Laze around in bed with me all day. It'll be fun."

Mara thought for a minute. Lando waited, knowing from experience she would be more likely to agree if he didn't push too hard. "All right," she said at last. "Give me two weeks here to wrap things up and let Karrde know, and I'll meet you there."

Lando wasn't there to greet Mara when her ship touched down at the resort landing pad. She eyed the other ships there. Lady Luck sort of blended in with the other pleasure yachts, though it had more speed and less opulence; Jade's Fire was definitely several price points beneath any of them, but she wouldn't have traded it for the world, and didn't think much of those who chose flash and comfort over speed, durability, and solid engineering. The staff at the landing pad looked down their noses at the Fire, but didn't actually say anything. Mara ignored them, and went to her and Lando's suite.

It wasn't any nicer than the less prestigious resorts they'd gone to in the past, but on the other hand, it had been a lot more convenient to get to than, say, Reidi Artom had been. In any case, they were here now, and there was a hot tub on the verandah with an absolutely stunning view. Mara poured herself a drink, didn't bother with a swimsuit since there were barriers and forcefields visually shielding one suite from another, and climbed in.

Between the drink, the warmth, the pressure of the jets in just the right places to release the tension in her back she hadn't realized was there, and the view, she was feeling much better a few hours later when Lando finally arrived.

"You're overdressed, Calrissian," she said, tipping her head up to look at him. He was well-dressed, as always, this time in a purple suit and cape that really showed off his shoulders. But she could look at him in handsome clothes anytime.

"Your wish is my command," Lando said, peeling off his clothes and carefully folding them up. "Can I get you anything?"

"Just water," Mara said, considering the alcohol she'd already had, and the heat, and the exercise soon to come. She handed him her empty glass and took a tall glass of water in return.

He climbed in across from her and she watched him appreciatively.

"Like what you see?" he said with a smile.

"You know it," Mara said comfortably. They'd done this often enough that she didn't feel any pressure to maintain her usual cool façade.

"I like what I see, too," Lando said. "Although, it's hard to be sure with all the water in the way. Maybe I should go down and … check."

"That might be a good idea," Mara said, keeping a straight face.

After they were done in the tub and had set it to clean itself, they grabbed some robes and moved to a lounger built for two. It had just as great a view, and they didn't have to worry about drifting off to sleep and accidentally drowning.

"So how was the business meeting?" Mara asked. The way she was lying draped over him she couldn't see his face, but she knew him well enough she didn't need to.

She felt him shrug. "Not anything I'm pursing farther," he said. "I think I'm ready to run my own operation again, instead of investing in other peoples'. Just need to keep my eye out for something interesting."

"If I see anything, I'll send it your way," Mara said. "Any ideas in particular?" They idly discussed possibilities for a while, before the conversation turned to the other reason for picking this resort.

"Well, Jedi artifacts that are strong in the Force—Holocrons, for example—are impossible to fake if you aren't Force-strong yourself," Mara said. "Those are easy to verify. Writings … those are a lot easier to fake; anyone can do it. I can tell if the current owner is lying about them, but that's about it."

"Better than nothing," Lando said. "I'd say Luke can evaluate them, but …"

"Yeah," Mara said. "A thousand generations of history and teachings, and he got a few months of training." It wasn't anywhere near enough to figure out what things were genuine and which were not, or even which of the real tenets were central and which were less important. "He always worries too much about the old Jedi order. They failed for a reason."

"That, and the galaxy was a very different place," Lando agreed. "I think he's getting better about it, though, now that he's got enough people trained up that he doesn't feel so alone."

Mara hummed, skeptically. "You planning on staying for a visit when you drop the stuff off?"

"For a while," Lando said. "Look over the financials, that sort of thing." Luke's academy was funded by a variety of grants and donations, large and small, which Lando had invested for them. "Are you coming with me?"

"It's not on my way to anywhere," Mara said, "and he's taught me all the skills he has, and I've taught him all the stuff I knew he didn't."

"Yeah, but you might just visit as friends," Lando said.

"Maybe," Mara said. She smiled. "You know, I don't think we've ever been there at the same time. Luke might find that … uncomfortable."

"Why?" Lando asked.

"Because he's attracted to us," Mara said. "He goes red and flustered whenever he's reminded that we sleep together. You've never noticed that?"

"No, I hadn't," Lando said, voice thoughtful. "Well! We are both very attractive, if I do say so myself, but then so is he. I wouldn't mind inviting him in some evening, if you wouldn't."

Mara considered this. A few years ago she would have rejected the idea out of hand, but now she considered it. Her primary conditions for bed partners was that they could be trusted not to make things weird, or get too clingy, or be controlling. Luke would not be weird or controlling, but he might get clingy. "I don't mind considering the idea," she said at last. "I don't know. Maybe."

Luke watched as Mara touched down neatly in the Jade's Fire, Lando's Lady Luck following with the hint of mechanical clumsiness that would have told him it was coming in on autopilot even if he hadn't been able to sense Lando on Mara's ship. He firmly pushed down any speculation on how they'd been passing the time on the trip.

The hatch opened, and Mara and Lando strode down the ramp, each holding either side of a large case.

"Is that for me?" Luke asked.

"Yeah," Lando said. "And we got it for a steal, too."

"Oh?"

"It turns out the former owner had been a very naughty boy, both under the Empire and the New Republic," Mara said. "Slaving, piracy, war profiteering, you name it. And he wasn't smart enough to hide all the evidence when we got there and started poking around to evaluate his collection."

"He had the local officials in his back pocket," Lando said. "But not, as it turned out, the sector governor. Who was thrilled to get evidence he could use to clear out some of his more corrupt underlings. They swooped in, arrested everybody, confiscated a bunch of really illegal things from the hidden collection, and then started going through the rest of his stuff with a fine-toothed comb. Turned out he had a habit of sending mercenaries to steal things under cover of the general violence of the civil war, and so the sector governor declared they were seizing anything he couldn't prove legal provenance of and trying to return it to the rightful owners or their heirs."

"And given that there is no way to establish legal provenance of Jedi artifacts," Mara said, "as they were highly illegal to own under the Empire and no records were kept, and given that you're the only possible heir to the Jedi … she turned it over to us to hand on to you. There's a couple more crates in the Lady Luck."

"Sounds like quite a story," Luke said, overwhelmed. "Will it hold up in court?"

"Definitely," Lando said. "Although I doubt it will get that far. The former owner has much bigger problems, at the moment, and they won't be going away any time soon."

Luke spent a happy afternoon cataloguing the finds. There were one or two obvious fakes, but a surprisingly large number of the datacards and physical books seemed to come directly from the Jedi Temple library.

"Are you sure about that?" Mara asked skeptically over dinner. They were in one of the private lounges available for family meals, instead of the main dining hall; Lando and Mara sat on one side of the table, with Luke across from them. The cushions were imported, but the rest of the furniture was carved out of local wood.

Luke shrugged. "As sure as I can be," he said. "There's … I can't really describe it, but things that spent a lot of time in the Temple picked up a sort of … background hum. Imprint. A sense of age and serenity. These have that, but also an even fainter echo of violence and shock. I think they were still in the Temple when the 501st marched in and slaughtered everyone."

"I didn't sense anything like that," Mara said. "You'll have to show me how to pick it up."

Luke sighed. "I don't think it's a technique you can learn," he said. "You just have to spend a lot of time meditating and reaching out with your senses. Listening to things."

"Oh." Mara made a face. The quiet, contemplative parts of Force training had always been less interesting to her. She preferred action.

"So he sent people in to the Temple itself to pick up souvenirs?" Lando said. "That would have taken guts."

"Not if he paid someone else to do it," Luke said. "Then it would only have taken cash."

"Yeah, but if the Emperor had found out and traced the thefts, he would have ended up with the nastiest trouble the Empire could dish out," Lando pointed out.

"He was arrogant, the sort of person who think they can buy their way out of any trouble," Mara said. "Even under the Empire, there were people stupid enough to think that."

"Anyway, I'm grateful for the help," Luke said. "There's so much included—those datacards are really densely packed, it will take years to really study them all."

"Happy hunting," said Mara dryly.

Lando turned the conversation to the business aspects of the Academy, and from there the subject turned to recent disasters the students had inadvertently created, and then to ways in which Mara had solved, cleaned up, or prevented various disasters created by Karrde's employees and associates (some of which had been more advertent than others).

Luke felt happier than he'd been in a long time. Here on Yavin the students didn't revere him as the Great Jedi and Hero Out Of Legend, but they still looked up to him as their teacher. Out in the galaxy, he was either revered or hated. He could count the number of people who just saw him as Luke on the fingers of both hands, and still have some fingers left over. And all of them were busy people he didn't get to see often enough.

Mara caught him when he called on the Force to purge fatigue buildups and boost his neurotransmitters, though. "Aren't you the one who always warns everyone about the danger of using the Force to override what your body is telling you?"

"Excuse me?" Lando asked.

"Luke," Mara said, jerking her chin at him. "He's tired, and he's using the Force to keep himself awake and alert."

"Life is very quiet here, most of the time, I'm not living on adrenaline like I used to," Luke pointed out. "Once in a while won't hurt anything, and I don't get to see either of you nearly enough."

"I'm sorry, it's not that late for us, I didn't even think about the time difference," Lando said. "I have nowhere else to be, I can stay for a while, give us a good long time to catch up."

"I've got to get back to work before too much longer," Mara said.

"And besides, you always get restless when you stay in one place for too long," Luke said.

"And that," Mara said. "But it's not like I'll be heading out right away first thing in the morning."

"The thing is, Luke," Lando said, leaning forward with a smile, "that going to bed doesn't necessarily mean going to bed alone. We've both enjoyed your company tonight, and would like to keep on enjoying it."

Luke blinked. For a second, he thought he'd misheard. It took him a few seconds to have a coherent thought besides wow. "I wouldn't want to get between you."

"I don't know, that might be a nice place for you to be," Mara said with a wicked grin, eyeing him up and down.

Luke flushed. "I meant—"

"I know," Lando said. "Though, there's not really an 'us' to get between."

"We're friends who sometimes get together for sex or a vacation when we happen to be in the same neighborhood," Mara said bluntly. "Not anything serious. Just fun."

"If I didn't drag her away for vacation, she'd never relax," Lando said, giving her a fond kiss on the temple. "What do you say, Luke? Interested in some fun between old friends?"

Luke hesitated, torn. They were both so attractive, separately and together, and he had no doubt it would be an amazing night. "Thank you for the offer," he said slowly. "But … I think I can't."

"Can I ask why?" Mara asked, as gentle as he'd ever heard her.

"I don't know if I've ever told you much about my aunt and uncle," Luke said thoughtfully. "When I was a kid, I thought them both very stodgy and boring. It certainly was no love story for the holonet. But the thing was, they faced everything together. Bad seasons, good seasons, sandstorms, Sand People attacks, equipment failure, Hutt stooges demanding protection money, no matter what, they had each other. And the older I get, the more I realize that's what I want, too."

"You can still look for that, Luke," Lando said. "But that doesn't mean you can't have a little fun in the meantime."

"I know," Luke said, "but you know me, I've never been much for casual anything. I love you both. It would be very easy to fall in love with you both. And I think having a taste but not getting the full banquet would be harder than getting nothing at all."

There was silence for a little while as they all digested that.

"Fair enough," Mara said eventually, withdrawing a little bit.

"Please don't leave earlier than you planned," Luke said, "I don't want to chase you off or make you uncomfortable because of my feelings."

"I don't run away," Mara said shortly.

Luke raised an eyebrow because while nothing could make her run away from a physical fight, she almost always ran away from emotional ones.

Lando snorted. "Only you, Luke, could get propositioned and then apologize for making things awkward."

Luke shrugged. "What can I say?"

"And you," Lando said, turning to Mara, "if you're interested in learning not to lie to yourself like that, I'm sure L'Noy would be happy to help you work through your issues." He smiled and dodged the swipe she took at him.

Luke relaxed a bit. Trust Lando to defuse any awkward moment.

Mara left sooner than Lando did, although she stayed long enough to make a point of not running away, Lando noted.

"I do appreciate you staying," Luke said as they watched the Fire disappear into the sky, "but don't feel you have to earn your keep. You've already done so much to help our settlement here."

"I like to keep busy," Lando said. "Besides, someone has to do it; you're not a very good administrator, Luke."

"I know," Luke said making a face. "It's just … it always seems like there are other more important things to do."

"Then hire someone," Lando said.

"Find me someone competent and trustworthy willing to move out here to our small, remote settlement, and I'll do it," Luke said. "It's not like I haven't tried. I'd hire you but—" he shrugged.

"You couldn't afford me," Lando said with a laugh.

"I know I couldn't," Luke replied. "I really do appreciate it; we wouldn't be doing half so well without your help." He looked at Lando with an earnestness that Lando had once found naïve but now found strangely appealing.

"Well, it's no hardship," Lando said. "Both Bespin and Nkllon were half mining, half administration … and it's nice to have a sandbox to play in to test out some of my ideas on self-sufficiency. On Nkllon, especially, it just killed me to pay as much as we were to bring in basic goods, but the space to build our own infrastructure just wasn't there. I was thinking of burying some hydroponics farms along the usual route we took, so we'd have a constant supply of fresh produce we didn't have to bring in via shieldship, but never got around to implementing it."

"You genuinely do enjoy solving those kinds of logistical problems," Luke said. "I just get bored and frustrated."

"Well, so would I if it were all logistics and administration," Lando said. "I like some variety and thrill, some risks, and mining is good for that. Even once the operation is up and running, the state of the galactic commodities market these days is enough gambling for me."

Luke was looking at him with an odd expression on his face. "Logistics and the occasional adrenaline rush," he said. "I could offer both of those. You know, besides going out to find artifacts, records, and new students, I do get called on by the New Republic for diplomacy or emergency help."

Lando opened his mouth, paused, and thought back to that first night's discussion of what Luke wanted, and realized that this was not—or not only—a business proposition. "That's … I'd have to think about that, Luke," he said at last.

"That's all I ask," Luke said. He glanced down at his chrono. "If you'll excuse me, I have a class to teach."

Lando left a week later, still as unsettled as he'd been when Luke made his offer. It was never something he'd pictured for himself, settling down, and at first he dismissed it out of hand. He wanted a new mining operation, and being between projects always made him restless, that was all.

Still, as the weeks went by and he considered and discarded various possibilities, he kept thinking back to Luke's offer on Yavin. Lando wouldn't mind settling down romantically, and Luke would be a good choice; they were good friends and Luke was definitely attractive. As for Yavin itself … there were so many possibilities, if Lando would be there to run things regularly, instead of just now and again. It wasn't a bad location, near to various trade routes and major worlds, which was why the Rebel Alliance had chosen it as a base in the first place. If they brought in the right people, droids, and machinery, they could make it truly self-sustaining, maybe even set up some products for export. 'Hand-crafted by Jedi' would be a tremendous marketing angle. Self-sufficiency would be good for Luke's academy and give plenty of daily work for Lando to sink his teeth into.

On the other hand, Lando had spent enough time around Luke to know that he was right, it never got dull—even when Luke wanted to retire from public life, he kept getting called on to deal with crises. Lando would never be bored.

He'd make more money with a new mining venture, of course; but he had enough invested in a variety of places that he could live in the style he was accustomed to without ever working at more than managing his investments. And past a certain point, money was just a way to keep score.

"What's the worst that could happen?" Lando asked himself. "We decide we don't fit, we break up, I go back to looking for a new mining startup. Neither of us is petty enough to let that ruin our friendship."

If he didn't try it, would he regret it? Possibly. Or, at least, he realized, he'd always wonder what might have been if he'd taken Luke's offer.

He knew how to run a mining operation. Even one in extreme circumstances. Running the Jedi's logistics would be a fresh challenge.

And then there was Luke.

He'd already made the decision, he realized.

Chapter Three

Lando did not usually contact her so soon after an extended trip together. Mara had a good idea what it was about when she took the call, full holo despite being several sectors apart. It was something about how thoughtful he'd been, after Luke's little declaration.

"Lando," she said shortly, once the holo had stabilized.

"Mara," he said with a warm smile. "I wish we could talk this out in person, but given the distance, holo will have to do."

"If you're calling to try and talk me into a happy triad marriage with Skywalker, don't bother," Mara said. "Not interested." But she didn't reach to cut the com.

Lando opened his mouth, hesitated, and then shook his head. "Mara, when have I ever tried to get you to do anything you didn't want to?" He waited for her answer.

"Never," she said grudgingly.

"And Luke?"

"He's pretty single-minded about Jedi training," Mara pointed out.

"He wants you to train, yes, but he never pressured you to stay on Yavin like the others do," Lando pointed out. "And if you'd truly wanted nothing to do with it, he would have dropped it, you know that. You knew what he wanted, but you were always free to ignore him or go your own way and he might have been disappointed, but he wouldn't have been angry or upset or tried to push you further than you were willing to go."

That was … fair. There had been times that even taking a few days here and there to learn a new skill or polish the ones she already had made her want to claw her skin off, remembering the Emperor's hooks in her brain. There were times that even a night on Yavin was enough to give her screaming nightmares where Luke and the Emperor melted into one horrifying whole, but that was a reflection of her issues, not anything Luke himself had said or done.

And wasn't that the worst of it, that even after freeing herself from the Emperor's last compulsions, he had enough hold over her to affect her actions?

"So, when's the wedding?" she asked.

"You're getting a bit ahead of things," Lando said, cocking his head in a way that meant he saw what she wasn't willing to say but was letting her change the subject anyway. "We haven't even figured out if we work as a couple, yet. There's no rush. I haven't spoken to Luke, yet, but I wanted to make sure you wouldn't feel left out or abandoned."

"Over losing a fuck buddy?" Mara scoffed. "You're not that good in bed, Lando."

"Ouch!" Lando said with a laugh, putting a hand over his heart. "I'm crushed. But whether or not Luke and I are sexually exclusive, now or ever, you will always be my friend, Mara, you know that, right? Our friendship—and me dragging you off for some vacation every now and then—isn't dependent on sex. At least, not on my part."

Mara nodded. "Thank you for telling me."

Luke was leading a meditation session when he felt Lando nearby. He smiled, and went on with the session.

By the time the Lady Luck was coming in to land, Luke was there to meet it. He had a one-on-one training session with one of their new students, but had excused himself. He wouldn't be able to keep his mind on anything.

Lando felt … nervous, and hopeful, and electrified in a way Luke wasn't used to from him. Had he considered Luke's offer? Luke wanted to pace, but enough of the students were sensitive enough to have picked up his anticipation, and he wasn't interested in feeding the rumors he knew floated around the settlement about his romantic life or lack thereof. He took a deep breath and released some of his tension into the Force.

Lando strode down the ramp, took one look at him, and started laughing. "You look like the cat that got the cream," he said.

"Oh, I haven't got it yet, but I'm … hopeful," Luke replied with a smile of his own. He turned and walked with Lando towards his quarters where they could talk in private.

"So how much can you sense?" Lando asked. "Right now, I mean. I know you can't pick up what I'm thinking …"

"No," Luke said. "I'm not a mind-reader. If Leia or Mara or someone Force-sensitive I'm really close to reaches out to me on purpose, I can sometimes hear it in words, and sometimes just intention. But …" he shrugged "… when you know someone well, and you know what they've been going through, a sense of how they're feeling is often as accurate as their thoughts. Sometimes more so. Right now … I know you don't usually come here out of the blue, with no reason to drop by in person, so soon after a previous visit. I know how you responded to what we said on that last visit, how you were surprised and uncertain but also … intrigued. And I know you're less uncertain now, more hopeful, and …" he smiled "… very, very anticipatory. Put it all together and I can make a good guess what you're here for."

"Really," Lando said, thoughtfully, eyes straight ahead, watching where they were going. "And, ah, what am I feeling now?"

Luke inhaled sharply and almost tripped over his own two feet at the roil of lust.

"Hm," Lando said with a pleased air, taking in his reaction. He wasn't even breathing hard, Luke noted, and confident sexiness was a very good look on him.

"You do realize that most of the people on the planet can feel that if they happen to be bending their attention this way," Luke said faintly.

"I suppose that's one thing we'll need to talk about, then," Lando said, "standards of privacy and what's acceptable where and all. And if it's possible to build shielded areas. What ethical standards have you been working out as a community?"

Luke was grateful for the change in topic, until they got to his quarters. He didn't need much, just a bedroom, refresher, and a sitting room with a kitchenette. It had thick walls for privacy so that people who needed to talk in confidence could, and he realized as the door closed behind him that that meant he was alone with Lando in a room with a bed and very good soundproofing, and Lando had just felt that at him, and he knew they needed to talk first but it was hard to look away from the bedroom door.

"Hey, there's no rush," Lando said. "Let's make sure we're on the same page, first." He took a seat on the padded bench that served as a couch and patted the seat next to him.

"Are you sure you're not the mind-reader?" Luke asked, settling in beside him. He felt … too far away so he scooted a little closer. Lando put an arm around him which was … very nice.

"No, but I used to be a con artist, which uses a lot of the same skills," Lando said. "I am pretty damn good at reading body language, and I know you."

"Yeah," Luke said. "You do."

It was absolutely stupid to avoid them, Mara knew. She regularly went months between contacts. There were a number of lucrative trade routes that went through the sector Yavin was in, and she regularly moved through them without so much as a peep from Skywalker.

And she hated that he was 'Skywalker' in her head again. It felt like regression. It was regression.

What did she think he was going to do, compel her to drop out of hyperspace and plot a new course against her will? Even at the height of his power, the Emperor himself couldn't have done that, and even if he could, Sk—Luke wouldn't. She knew this.

It was utterly irrational. She should be happy for her friends. It didn't have to involve her unless she wanted it to!

She had no idea why she was so messed up about this. Jedi training, yes, that made sense; even with all the Emperor's little land-mines exorcised, training in the Force was and would always be associated with him in the subconscious reaches of her mind. She knew where the land-mines were, and she had figured out how to work around all of them.

But sex? Romance? The Emperor couldn't have cared less about romance unless he could use it to manipulate people, and he'd never bothered it with her because he had so many other more effective methods of controlling her. As for sex, she'd never been one of his concubines, and never had to sleep with someone for a mission. Her skills were far rarer than that.

So why, why, why was it bothering her this deeply that two of her friends were getting together?

She had already given the Emperor enough of her time and brainspace; she would not give him more. So the second time she found herself arranging her business plans so that she could avoid being in the same sector as Yavin, she decided enough was enough. She finished the project she was in the middle of, handed her other responsibilities to her subordinates for a few weeks, and took off in the Jade's Fire for Yavin IV.

She got there to find that Luke and Lando were off on a recruiting trip. "Good," she said to the space control tower, "I'm not here to see them." She refused offers of quarters; she'd be more comfortable in her small bunk on the Fire.

Luke's pet therapist, L'Noy, was free when Mara arrived at her office. Mara had never spoken directly with them, but everyone on Yavin knew at least the basics of Mara's history and it wasn't like there were any other therapists out there with experience working with Force-users of any kind. "This is a surprise," L'Noy said with a slow blink as they let her in to their office. Mara didn't know what species they were, but given their slow, deliberate movements, they obviously didn't have any natural predators. They had large eyes, six limbs, and were covered in a downy covering that was a cross between hair and feathers.

"What, that I'm messed up enough to need help?" Mara shot back.

"No," L'Noy said, "that you're willing to seek the help you need. There are some effective therapeutic treatments for brainwashing survivors, but to use them requires that the survivor be willing to trust someone to manipulate their brain again. That's not an easy thing to do, when your trust has been broken that completely." Their Basic was accentless, but they put pauses in odd places as they talked.

"I wasn't brainwashed," Mara said.

L'Noy watched her carefully, with big, soulful eyes.

Mara looked back. Even knowing that humans were all instinctively primed to trust someone who looked at them with wide eyes and dilated pupils, that stare was still remarkably effective. "I saw what the Emperor could do with brainwashing. I saw him do it personally, saw his torturers and interrogators do it, too. He didn't use any of those techniques on me."

"There are many ways to brainwash people, Mara," L'Noy said. "But regardless, how you categorize your own experiences is your choice."

"Thank you," Mara said sarcastically.

"Irrespective of what descriptors we use, you called yourself messed up," L'Noy said. "How can I help?"

"I've been on edge since Lando told me he and Luke were getting together," Mara said. "My brain's been going in circles, I've been making decisions based on avoiding this entire sector. I want to know why I'm doing it, and I want it to stop."

"Tell me more," L'Noy said, settling back into their chair and watching Mara earnestly.

It was, Mara realized as she talked, the first time she'd ever told the whole thing at once, her history and how the Emperor still haunted her sometimes. Luke knew most of it, but he'd learned it in dribs and drabs as pieces had been relevant to her training or various missions they'd undertaken together. Lando knew she'd been the Emperor's Hand and still had nightmares about the Emperor, but had never pressed for details. L'Noy mostly listened, but asked the occasional clarifying question.

When Mara finished, she stared at the ceiling feeling like she'd just run a marathon while evading a regiment of Stormtroopers. L'Noy looked away when she did, but didn't say anything.

"Well?" Mara asked. "What's wrong with me?"

"Besides lingering trauma that you already know how to manage?" L'Noy said. "A few possibilities come to mind. This is the first time you've thought about any sort of sexual or romantic commitment; it may be that the Emperor had some subtle conditioning you weren't aware of at the time—perhaps loyalty conditioning; he wouldn't have wanted anyone else to have a share of your devotion, in whatever form. Or it might simply be that, as you trained with Luke, your subconscious associated that with your previous Force training, and thus Luke with the Emperor. Now that you have sexual thoughts about Luke, that association may be proving … unfortunate in new and unexpected ways."

Mara's jaw clenched. That … was horribly possible. "All right," she said, "so what do we do about it?"

"There are a number of mechanical or chemical treatments that can work with trauma symptoms and problematic associations," L'Noy said, "but I've found that with Force-users a guided meditation is often more effective at pruning and rebuilding neural pathways."

"Wait, what?" Mara said. "Meditation can change your brain?"

"Oh, yes," L'Noy said. "In humans and most mammalian sapients, at least. Even without being a Jedi. Brains are malleable things; repeating a new idea over and over builds new pathways even without the use of the Force. With it …" L'Noy gave an elegant shrug. "Many things become possible." They paused longer than usual. "Of course, usually, with the client's permission, I have Master Skywalker assist in designing and leading such meditations, given that I am not Force-sensitive."

"No." Mara said shortly. "We can figure it out without him." And she was going to have to go through every single meditation the Emperor had ever required of her and figure out what it did to her. Sith hells.

Luke frowned as the Lady Luck approached Yavin.

"What?" Lando asked him from the seat next to him.

"Mara's down there," Luke said.

"Huh," Lando said. He called down to the tower for landing instructions, and when he was done, Luke reached over to the comm himself.

"How long has Ms. Jade been there?" he asked.

"About a week and a half, sir."

That was … different. If she was just stopping by on her way somewhere, she wouldn't have stayed once she learned they weren't there. If she had something specific she needed, she would either have called or gone to find them. She'd never just … stayed on Yavin by herself, before. Luke looked over at Lando, who shrugged, a don't ask me expression on his face. "Thank you," Luke said into the comm, and signed off.

Mara wasn't waiting for them at the landing pad, but she knocked on their door as they were unpacking their bags.

"Come in," Lando called.

Mara strode through the door, eyeing the suite with a critical eye. "A bit small, isn't it?"

"It's not permanent," Lando said. "There are a lot of spaces in the Temple that are fine for large groups, and a lot of spaces that can be easily retrofitted for individual bedchambers, but not that many that will work as suites or apartments or family dwellings. We're debating the merits of major remodeling of the existing structure, or building something new next to it."

"I've heard some of the arguments," Mara said, which wasn't surprising, if she'd been here a week and a half. Everyone had an opinion on it.

"Then I won't bore you with them," Lando said, with a slight air of disappointment. Luke didn't care much one way or the other (and truthfully didn't mind sharing his old, small quarters, either), but Lando could spend hours talking about the merits of various plans.

"Hello, Mara, it's good to see you again so soon," Luke said. She tensed, a little, mentally, and he backed off. Whatever it was, she didn't want to talk about it.

"How was your trip?" Mara asked.

"Very successful," Lando said.

"Four new students will be arriving in the next month or so," Luke said. "And Lando found a fabric extruder that he thinks will work with some of the local plant fibers so we can make our own cloth and clothes without having to dedicate agricultural space to the traditional fiber crops."

"Fascinating," Mara said.

"I think so," Lando replied. "Oh, and there's a whole group of retiring New Republic military people who'll be moving here over the next few months. Mostly old Rebels who lost their homes to the Empire, and stayed in the military for lack of anyplace else to go. We'll give them a place for a clean start, and they'll give us some extra hands and some defensive reserve."

"What, are they bringing their ships and weapons with them?" Mara asked.

"As a planet settled under the auspices of the New Republic, we are entitled to a planetary defense force," Lando said. "Though we may be in the market for some things. Surplussed NR military equipment is often overpriced."

"I'll tell Karrde," Mara said, not looking at either of them. "I should let you unpack."

"There's not much to do," Luke said. "Is there anything I can help you with?"

She snorted. "That's a loaded question at the moment." She flung herself down on the bench and stared up at the ceiling. "Some things were stirred up recently. L'Noy has been helping me work through them."

"I'm glad they're helping you," Luke said, carefully not offering his own assistance.

"Anything we can do?" Lando asked.

"You're doing it," Mara said. "I need to work through things with bad associations, or I'll never break the connections, and spend my whole life avoiding two very good friends."

"Does Lando's and my relationship bring up bad associations for you?" Luke asked, carefully.

Mara snorted. "My messed-up inner psyche is not about you, any more than your relationship is about me. 'Changes in my social network,'" (and that was definitely a quote from L'Noy) "overturned a hornets-nest of other issues that, until now, I hadn't been recovered enough to deal with. I don't want to spend the rest of my life running away from them, so I get the fun of digging through them and figuring out what I want to change and what I can live with. So, if I am a little more flaky than usual, that's why."

"Mara, you've always been a little nuts," Lando said easily. "We love you anyway."

Luke could have kissed him for that; if he said it himself, no matter how much he meant it, she probably wouldn't react well, at least not at the moment.

"Yeah," Mara said. "I'll be around for another couple of days, and then I get to go back to work and … practice my homework."

"Whatever works for you," Luke said.

"I'm just saying, I'll probably always have trouble staying in one place for very long," Mara said.

"I know," Luke said. "It's part of who you are. A lot of my friends are like that. Han, Wedge … they all have their reasons for spending so much time on the move. It's fine."

"Yeah?" she shot back. "Well, not that long ago you were asking me to settle down."

"I didn't mean it that way," Luke said. "I'm sorry if I made you feel trapped."

"Then how did you mean it?" Mara asked.

Luke was dimly aware of Lando, watching, fading into the background as he could when he wanted to but so seldom chose to do. "I'm not one for casual flings," Luke said. "But it's not about location for me, it's about commitment. It's about knowing that we belong to each other no matter how far apart we may be physically."

Mara sighed. "Luke," she said, "that's even worse."

"I'm sorry!" Luke said. "I know we have needs that probably aren't compatible, and that's okay! If you have things you want to work through or change, I will support you however you need. But if you don't, if you're happy as you are, I will still be your friend and that's okay too. You don't have to change anything about yourself to be my dear friend."

"I need air," Mara said, and left.

Luke sighed and collapsed on the bench, head in his hands.

Lando sat down next to him, not saying anything.

"That went well," Luke said sarcastically.

"It wasn't a triumph, no," Lando said diplomatically.

"But?" Luke asked.

He could feel Lando shrug. "I don't know that she would have reacted any better to being treated with kid gloves. You didn't pressure her or ask anything of her, you just clarified your own position. And in the long run, if you're not running a con, honesty is usually best."

"Yeah," Luke said with a sigh. He sat back and tucked himself into Lando's side. "I just … if she ends up leaving and never coming back, I'm going to really miss her."

"I doubt that'll happen," Lando said. "But so would I."

Mara left early the next morning without saying goodbye to either of them. She cursed herself for a coward as she did it, but she was feeling too fragile for anything else.

Even with all her internal turmoil, it was easy enough to slip back into her role in Karrde's organization. Karrde cared about her wellbeing, as one of his chief lieutenants; but as long as she could do her job and wasn't obviously having problems, he trusted her to take care of herself and didn't pry. She was friendly with most of her colleagues, but none of them were close enough to notice anything off, and if her direct subordinates noticed, they didn't say anything.

It was sort of depressing that she could be dealing with something that felt this galaxy-shaking to her, and none of the people around her seemed to notice. L'Noy might have a point about needing a wider support network. Lando and Luke would support her, but they were part of the problem. Organa, Solo, and Chewbacca knew enough they might be able to help, but she'd never been close to any of them and they were more Luke's friends than hers.

L'Noy's guided meditations were helpful, and she called them once a week for ongoing therapy, but Mara hadn't felt this isolated since the first few years after the Emperor's death, and that was terrifying. But the thought of going crawling back to Luke just because she didn't want to be alone was even worse. And probably would not end well.

"The question is, I think," L'Noy said thoughtfully one week, "whether you have ever actively chosen what you want your life to be like. Most people don't, you know, just fall into what is easiest."

"Of course I choose what my life is like!" Mara said. "I make choices all the time!"

L'Noy watched her with limpid eyes, saying nothing.

"What is it?" Mara asked warily. She knew that look.

"There is a difference," L'Noy said carefully, "between deciding what you want your life to be like and actively pursuing the things that will bring that about, and merely choosing between the easily available options. This is especially true when there are certain parts of one's life or past one does not wish to deal with."

"You think I spend more time running away than running to?" Mara asked.

L'Noy shrugged, which sent ripples through their feathers. "Perhaps. Or perhaps not. In any case, it seems to me that before we can move further, you must choose: do you want your life to continue as it now is? In which case, our goal should be to help you become more satisfied with the life you now have. Or do you wish to have a different life? In which case, our goal should be to help you make the changes that will achieve that life."

"And the Emperor's lingering handiwork inside my skull?" Mara asked.

"You had rooted out all the compulsions before I met you," L'Noy said. "As for what and who you might have been without his influence … no one can know that, and so it is not productive to spend much time worrying about. You have done a great deal of work on that already, but I think we have reached the point of diminishing returns. That question cannot answer the current question: who do you want to be? What do you want your life to be like?"

"I don't know," Mara said, frustrated.

"Mmm. Then perhaps we should consider the opposite question: what do you not want to be?"

"Alone," Mara whispered.

L'Noy hummed, but didn't say anything. Mara could imagine what they were thinking. Given Mara's issues with emotional intimacy and staying in the same place for too long, that could be a tough one to solve.

Chapter Four

Lando found Luke in the weight room, and admired his bicep curls. The way the muscles moved smoothly under the skin, not too bulky but with such power and control …

"You could join me, you know," Luke said.

"But then I'd miss the view," Lando said. He did work out with Luke, sometimes, but Luke used exercise as a form of meditation and Lando preferred to talk or watch the Holonet. And Lando greatly appreciated watching Luke, anyway; the robes hid entirely too much.

Before too long, the only other person in the room finished with the weight machine and left.

"Just got a message from Mara," Lando said.

"Oh?" Luke asked, hopeful. She'd been in contact sporadically, but only through text messages. No holo, not even voice. And she was more likely to respond to Lando than Luke.

"She said she was available for vacation on Amshtl'e, after all," Lando said. "Said she's heard it's got some great dance floors, and was looking forward to them."

"Dancing?" Luke looked up at that. "Has she ever gone dancing with you before?"

"No," Lando said. "Turned me down hard the only time I asked her."

"Well," Luke said, "guess that means I'm not going with you after all." He lifted the weight above his head and began doing triceps extensions.

Lando could see he was disappointed, and doubted it was because he would miss out on the vacation. "I'm sure she'll stop avoiding you eventually," Lando said.

"Yeah," Luke said. "I hope it's sooner rather than later. Nobody else is quite that willing to call me an idiot when I'm being stupid. It's nice."

"Yeah, the problem with me is, I'm too nice to you sometimes," Lando agreed.

"I'd say you're just the right amount of nice," Luke said, winking at him.

Mara dancing was a sight to see. Her form and control were perfect, as far as Lando could tell, and while he was no slouch himself, she had far outstripped him a long time ago, and he'd settled in a booth with a drink to watch her take on all comers. As a pure exhibition of grace and artistry it was breathtaking; in a person he was (probably) going to have sex with that night, it was enticing.

He didn't say anything about it, though, until the next day, when after a very late start, they were wandering around the resort's extensive gardens. "You're such a great dancer, I hope you enjoyed yourself last night."

"I did," Mara said shortly.

"You shut me down the last time I asked you to dance." He kept his tone carefully neutral. An observation she could respond to or not.

"That was my cover in the Palace," Mara said. She was studying a flower planting at their feet. "And often on missions, too. His favorite dancer."

That was more than she'd ever told him before. "Ah?" he said, desperately curious but not wanting to show it or pressure her.

"When I realized … just how bad he was, what he had done to me, I tried to avoid anything that reminded me of him, even the things I used to like," Mara said, arms folded across her chest. She still hadn't looked up. "I've recently realized that's still giving him power over me. And I don't want to do that."

"Say the word, and we can go dancing whenever you want," Lando said.

Their week on Amshtl'e fell into a pattern: late night spent dancing, followed by really enthusiastic sex (Lando seemed to particularly like when she showed off moves requiring strength, Mara noted, and he really liked it when she then used those moves on him afterward). Slow morning, followed by an afternoon of sightseeing or gambling. Mara had never really cared for gambling, as being able to feel your opponent's reactions no matter how good their sabacc face took some of the fun out of things. But she didn't dislike it, and Lando enjoyed it a lot.

Their last night together, as Mara lay draped over Lando's chest, she gathered her courage. "The Emperor made me depend on him for everything," she said. "Especially emotional support. He conditioned me to care about him more deeply than anything else. And he made me feel like he cared about me almost as much. He was my entire world, and I thought I was happy. And then he died, and I was utterly alone, but at least I could comfort myself with my memories of how I had loved him and he had known and appreciated me. And then I learned that it was all lies, start to finish, manipulation and compulsion and training. And my memories feel slimy and claustrophobic, with all the things I know now. And when I start to get close to people, I feel claustrophobic. But I still crave that connection. Even knowing it was nothing but lies. And the whole thing makes me so … sick. I don't want to be alone. But I start to feel trapped very easily."

"Thank you for telling me," Lando said. "I know it must be very hard to talk about." He didn't talk for a while, and Mara certainly wasn't going to break the silence; she'd said more than enough. "You don't have to tell me why you need things, you know," he said at last. "Just tell me what you need, and I'll see what I can do. You don't owe me your secrets."

"I know I don't," Mara said. "I'm experimenting with opening up to people I trust in non-traumatic moments. It's nothing you don't already know or can't figure out."

"Still," Lando said.

They were silent for a while, Lando stroking her hair. "My life before Bespin was pretty chaotic," he said at last. "Nothing and no one lasted for long. People left—sometimes double-crossing me along the way—or they died, or whatever. I moved constantly, always looking for the new job, the new con, the new deal. The Falcon was my home base for longer than anything else had ever been, even when I was a kid, which was part of why I was so mad at Han when he won it off me. I was alone, and I just sort of assumed that the only people who weren't alone were characters in holodramas, rich people who bought their friends, and Han with Chewie's life debt. I thought it was fine."

Mara listened. It was nothing she didn't already know from his old Imperial file, which she'd read in preparation for the mission in Jabba's palace, but it was interesting to get his perspective on it.

"Then I won Cloud City off Baron Raynor," he continued, "and my first thought was to sell it and move on, as always. The problem was, he'd been an even worse manager than he was a gambler, and it wasn't producing anywhere near as much as it should. The casinos were profitable, but the mining part of it…. I thought I could do better, so I tried it. And I discovered I was good at it, and I liked it, so I stayed. And the longer I stayed, the more I got to know people. I wasn't very close to any of them, but they trusted me and I was responsible for them. It was the first place I'd ever really felt like I belonged in my life. And then Darth Vader came, with a terrible deal, and I tried to make the best of it, I tried to protect everybody I could, and in the end, nothing worked. I was on the move again, except this time I was part of a cause. I made friends, and some of them died, but nobody left. Then the war was over, and I built Nkllon, and it was like Bespin again only better, because I had a hand-picked crew and we were building it together, I wasn't stepping in to someone else's shoes.

"And then … Thrawn. And I had to start all over again. And I couldn't. I was stuck; couldn't go back, couldn't make myself go forward. And then Luke offered me a chance to go sideways, and I took it. And I'm glad I did. That's not a hint for you, by the way, saying you should make the same choice I did. I'm just saying, our issues may come from different places, but I get how hard it can be to even realize you have them, because it just seems normal to you."

Mara lay there and thought about it for a while. Lando kept stroking her hair; it was very soothing.

"Do you think Luke has abandonment issues, too?" she said eventually.

"Luke?" Lando said drowsily. "Not abandonment issues, no. Martyr complex like you wouldn't believe—"

"Seen it in action."

"—Daddy issues like I've never seen—"

"Thankfully, he doesn't talk about those when I'm around, but I can imagine."

"—and a crashing inferiority complex about the old Jedi Order—"

"No kidding."

"—but no abandonment issues."

"Can you imagine what a trio we'd make if he did?" Mara asked.

Lando went still underneath her. "Is that something you'd like to try?" he asked carefully.

"Haven't decided yet," Mara said. "But I know I don't want my issues with the Emperor to be the reason, whichever way I choose."

A month after Lando got back, Luke got a call from Mara. He'd gotten some text-based messages from her, mostly about her day-to-day life, and responded with anecdotes about what was happening on Yavin.

This was a holo, and not even pre-recorded. He took it in one of the private comm booths, hurrying so she wouldn't have to wait long.

"Hello, Mara, good to see you," he said as he arrived. "How are things with Kellis?" Almost half her last message had been complaints about the underling's incompetence.

Mara rolled her eyes. "Don't ask. Still, I think even Karrde has finally been convinced that the appropriate reward for her undoubted services to the organization is 'job she is good at even if it's not very exciting' and not 'job she wants but is terrible at and isn't learning fast enough, or at all.'"

They chatted about how things were going for both of them for a few minutes, and then Mara got a pinched look on her face Luke recognized. She was going to say something she found difficult. He took a deep breath, and reminded himself not to crowd her or make her feel pressured.

"I've been thinking about what you said, a while back, about wanting a relationship like your aunt and uncle had, where they could absolutely depend on each other no matter what," Mara said. "And that scared me, both because it seemed overwhelming and because what would I do if a relationship like that ended and I had to start over again?"

Luke opened his mouth to apologize for pressuring her, and she held up a hand. "Please let me finish, Luke." He settled back to listen again.

"But then I realized that you and I already have that relationship," Mara said, staring at him. "Don't we? When was the last time either of us had a major crisis without the other getting involved somehow? Not day-to-day problems, I'm talking something really big. You can answer that, by the way."

Luke thought. Their scale of crisis was so much larger than anybody else. Day-to-day problems, both handled on their own (although these days, Luke had Lando for those parts). Dark Force-users, Imperial warlords on a rampage, major political turmoil … if one got involved somehow, the other usually ended up in the middle of things, too. "I don't know," Luke said. "It's been a while, though."

"Exactly," Mara said. "That thing you want? We already have that. And it was only frightening to me when I thought about it in those terms. When I consider it in the abstract, I have all sorts of issues. When I just look at how our relationship actually is in practice, I'm fine. It's great. Except for one thing." She leaned forward. "If we've already got the other things, then I damn well want the sex parts, too. We're doing the hard part; I want the fun part as well."

She sat back and spread her hands.

"I never thought about it like that," Luke said, a little taken aback. "But you might be right."

Mara snorted. "Farm boy, haven't you learned by now that I'm always right?"

"Always?" Luke said with a smile, giddy with relief that things between them seemed to be on the mend. "I'm thinking about that little incident on—"

"Anyway, I've got another call coming in soon," Mara interrupted him hastily. "Unfortunately, things are very busy right now and I don't know when I'll next be able to get out to Yavin or take time for the two of you to join me. But the next step is probably negotiating parameters that everyone can live with, which I'm telling you right now, I'm probably never going to be able to settle permanently in one place."

"That's okay, Mara," Luke said. "You can travel as much as you need. I'd just like Lando and I to be what you come home to in between."

"I think I'd like that," Mara said.

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Otter's Rock

Fic: Home Is Not A Place

Fic: Home Is Not A Place

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April 2025

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