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I shall miss the stars.

Not that I shall stop looking
as they pattern their wild will each night
across an inchoate sky, but I must see them with a different awe.
If I trace their flames’ ascending and descending –
relationships and correspondences –
then I deny what they have just revealed.
The sum of their oppositions, juxtapositions, led me to the end of all sums:
a long journey, cold, dark and uncertain,
toward the ultimate equation.
How can I understand? If I turn back from this,
compelled to seek all answers in the stars,
then this – Who – they have led me to
is not the One they said: they will have lied.

No stars are liars!
My life on their truth!
If they had lied about this
I could never trust their power again.

But I believe they showed the truth,
truth breathing,
truth Whom I have touched with my own hands,
worshipped with my gifts.
If I have bowed, made
obeisance to this final arithmetic,
I cannot ask the future from the stars without betraying
the One whom they have led me to.

It will be hard not ask, just once again,
see by mathematical forecast where he will grow,
where go, what kingdom conquer, what crown wear.
But would it not be going beyond truth
(the obscene reduction ad absurdum)
to lose my faith in truth once, and once for all
revealed in the full dayspring of the sun?

I cannot go back to night.
O Truth, O small and unexpected thing,
You have taken so much from me.
How can I bear wisdom’s pain?
But I have been shown: and I have seen.

— Madeleine L’Engle

Snowflake Challenge: A warmly light quaint street of shops at night with heavy snow falling.

Challenge #2: Pets of Fandom

I originally wasn't going to do this one because it got me thinking about Phoebe and I was sad, but then I decided I wanted to talk a little about Phoebe and let myself be sad.

( CN: Pet death )

Current Mood: melancholy

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AO3 Link | In the Demon's Claws (2219 words) by Merfilly
Chapters: 1/1
Fandom: Forgotten Realms, The Legend of Drizzt Series - R. A. Salvatore
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Relationships: Drizzt Do'Urden & Vierna Do'Urden
Characters: Drizzt Do'Urden, Vierna Do'Urden
Additional Tags: Ensemble Cast, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Canon Typical Violence, Resurrection
Summary:

Things in the Hall went slightly different, but still Drizzt chooses the road, and learns of one more quest.

In the Demon's Claws

Drizzt Do'Urden gazed out over the lands, thinking about everything endured. If Regis had not escaped sooner — no, it didn't bear thinking about. What he knew had let them disarm the trap, though not without personal cost for Drizzt himself. He had caused his father's death, brought about the deaths of his House from afar, and now… personally slain his sister, both by dam and sire.

His only consolation had been seeing her less a zealot, more sane in her eyes even, as the light faded, letting him cast true blame upon Lloth once more. It had been Catti-brie who supposed the entire raid had been concocted as but one thread of a web, given how near it had been to losing Wulfgar to the yochlol, how strange that they had chosen to come for Drizzt inside the dwarven stronghold rather than upon the road some night when he would be alone.

Bruenor had thundered, and Wulfgar had pledged support, with Regis managing advice based on his studying Artemis Entreri while the human consorted with drow. Aid had come from the region, and it would be a long time before Menzoberranzan could stir from its cesspool of hate and anger.

Catti and Wulfgar needed to work upon their relationship. Regis still had much recovery to make from his ordeal. Bruenor had a much expanded clan to lead to prominence.

Drizzt?

He looked back to the road for salvation from that which ate at his soul. A passing remark from one of the Harpells had reminded him of unfinished business concerning a crystal… and a demon that had been defeated once.

There had never been any chance of an ending that led anywhere but to the Demonweb Pits, Vierna had known. Either she would arrive in favor, and become one of Lloth's own servitors in some form —

— or she would arrive in full disfavor to be tortured.

She had learned three things as she endured the torture, and then the bartering deal with the balor.

Her father was not in the Demonweb Pits. This had been clear while she was still tortured under the servants of Lolth. He would have been an instrument in those tortures, as she had, again, fallen into that strange emotion surrounding Zaknafein, on seeing how true to himself her brother had remained.

There was the fact that Lloth had never been worth her devotion. This point — she'd had sight of it in the fall of her House — had clarified when the religious madness fell from her eyes even as her brother was lowering her body to the floor. If she had only managed to learn it earlier, and used her power to protect the two males she'd felt strong emotions over!

And, somehow, this balor intended to use her against her brother. Errtu could not keep himself from alternately salivating over his plans against Drizzt Do'Urden or raging in a froth of madness over what the impertinent drow had done to him.

She would just have to help her brother beat the demon at his own game. Vierna was looking forward to his death at Drizzt's hands.

Drizzt's concerns about the demon had proven too correct. He finished cleaning Icingdeath, his mind turning over the words spit at him by the fiend before its death. The gloating, brash taunts of what Errtu meant to do with him — after Errtu finished rending the soul of one that Drizzt cared for — had been too in line with what he knew of the balors. They were incapable of getting over a defeat that had been meted out to them.

Only? Errtu had an advantage over him. The only person's soul that could possibly be at risk to the demon was his own father. Drizzt would no more leave the soul in peril than he ever would have risked the man in life, had he but been a little wiser.

He didn't dare not follow up on this, no matter the source. Since Drizzt had left Mithral Hall, burdened by the suffering, deaths, and his own actions, he'd been seeking a purpose. He would recover the damnable crystal, and trek to a land known to hold the knowledge of the ages. Surely he could learn what was needed to save his father and destroy both threats if he but tried hard enough.

With resolve etched in every line of his body and soul, Drizzt plunged into the frozen north once more, intent on his goals.

The Crystal Shard couldn't be tricked by Drizzt. Nor could it offer him what he wanted, not in a way that ever tempted the drow. The psychic effect of merely carrying it in a quiescent state was enough to make Drizzt constantly question his own mind as he traveled. Guen, on her visits to the Material Plane, also kept a watchful eye on him.

It was a necessary evil, bait for the demon that was seeking vengeance. After the not-so-minor trouble of getting back to it, finding it, Drizzt was just as relieved to find his next destination after a stop in Longsaddle. He'd kept the artifact's presence carefully hidden, indulged Harpell curiosity as some were in residence now that he had not met before.

"If you're dead set against leaning into the alliances you've made in Silverymoon," Bella began, the brighter eye rolling with what she thought of that and the dull one fixed on him, "you need to head for Tethyr, a small kingdom down there with a cathedral being built.

"The priest of Deneir, Chosen they say, will point you to the knowledge you need to deal with this demon you need to be rid of."

"It seems I should see if Captain Deudermont will aid me in my journeys, then," Drizzt said, not keen on going so far south once again, but he was no priest nor wizard, to be able to banish the demon for good… and with luck, this cleric might well know how to rid the realms of the Crystal Shard.

With the right tools, Drizzt Do'Urden would be willing to wager against the evil ones, and try to reclaim his father's soul from the Abyss.

"You could become a cleric of sufficient rank in the decades you have left. Or a wizard of strength," Cadderly mused at Drizzt, even as the wizened Chosen walked beside Drizzt in the garden, aware that Pikel and Ivan both were still keeping an eye on the solitary drow.

"They say time stretches in the Abyss, and I feel that taking the time to do so would further torment the one I seek to rescue. Likewise, I will make no bargain with a Power to become a warlock."

Cadderly looked at Drizzt then, leaning on his staff as they paused. "And yet you refuse your goddess Her offer?"

Drizzt flushed, looking down, and Cadderly knew the ranger had not expected that to be known. When he looked up, it was with an expression of sadness. "She has been good to me, and I will serve Her so long as She walks the path I view as right.

"But I do not trust myself with a spark of who She is."

"Which is of course why She would most want it to be you, for that very distrust, but. You have closed that door — for now — and having a pressing need to save one you care for. The vile artifact's destruction is what you seek, but not before you are able to barter with and defeat the balor.

"A complicated task you have set yourself, but I will set people to the research of it."

"Thank you; it is all I can ask."

Vierna felt something change in her captor. He was eager, close to success of some kind? She felt weaker than she had even in the moments after Lloth forsook the House. How could she aid her brother like this?

When the demon back-handed her for daring to spit in his direction, she lolled in her bonds, feigning unconsciousness and made the choice to reach out to a different power. Never again would she submit to the divine… but bargain with one? That she could — and would! — manage.

~Vhaeraun son of Araushnee and Corellon, god of drow,~ she prayed, all of her singular focus on inviting the Named One to take notice of her. Even now, out of favor and having renounced her former goddess, the names burned in her mind, invoking pain.

Pain that she further used to fuel her call to the one that could make her plans work — she would not fail! Her brother, the boy she had taught and raised, needed her, and this time, she was embracing that.

Little did she know that her very need to aid a male sibling was the right spark to bring the god's attention to her.

"As long as your darkness holds," Danica coached, "the thing will be destroyed."

Drizzt looked past her to the rather unassuming man with them, very little giving away his draconic nature.

"And Icingdeath will guard me from the flames," he reminded himself.

"Yes, a superb frostbrand," Vaeros said, having inspected the magic on the blade to be certain.

"The breach of magic has made it possible for the balor to come to a simple summoning," Drizzt recited. "I will offer the artifact, and then we will be 'attacked', at which point the crystal will burn while I hold darkness — and evade the enraged demon while protecting my father."

"Presuming that the captive is brought, and that it is your father," Danica agreed. "Should be simple for the drow that decimated Menzoberranzan's might."

Drizzt stared at her, then saw the twitch of her lips, and gave into the laughter at that outrageous elaboration of his part in the war of Mithral Hall.

"We will do this, Ranger, on our shared love of the Wilds," Vaeros said, once the laughter had worn off, with the effect of living Drizzt lighter in spirit.

"So we shall."

It was not Zaknafein.

That small fact half-broke Drizzt's willpower at first. He wanted to angrily decry that he didn't care about Vierna.

His heart knew that for a lie.

She looked mangled in the grasp of the demon, and trickles of blood had formed where the clawed hand pierced flesh.

She was conscious, and her eyes locked on his.

Distantly, he could remember the plan even as the sealed case with Crenshinibon hung from an outstretched hand, the demon gloating within the summoning circle.

His mind toured over early, harsh lessons. He recalled the gentle touches that had been rare and treasured. He remembered that someone had to have told Zaknafein of his speed and skill with both hands. He recalled the look of sanity in her eyes, at the end of her life, blood spilling from a wound he'd made in her.

Something in her eyes told him she trusted him, and that she was ready for whatever came next.

"Let her go, and you can have what you want."

"You think I am unaware of the treachery lurking in your soul, drow?" Errtu demanded, hand closing more —

— and Vierna uttered a quick phrase in formal drow, one that called upon Vhaeraun, god of the male drow. The next moment, she was small, transformed into a bat that eluded the demon's grasp, fluttering valiantly into the hood of the cloak Drizzt wore.

He prayed that was enough to protect her, as he gave himself over to the Hunter, Icingdeath more than eager to drink the blood of this balor once more. Errtu had no chance to evade, or even dispel the darkness, as Drizzt furiously fought for his life, the crystal's end, and for the daughter of his father.

Vierna awakened at the feeling of healing being pushed into her, the kind that traced fire in her veins, counter to her very nature but helping abate the last tortures' marks upon her.

She found herself looking into the purple eyes that had entranced her since his birth.

"We're in a small cave. I didn't want to impose on my allies," he told her softly. "You turned back to drow after the fight ended."

"I did not ask for it to be a permanent change," Vierna said, but she reached for his hand on her shoulder. "You can heal?"

"If my patron agrees, yes," he said, taking her hand and shifting so he could sit more comfortably and hold it. "Vhaeraun?"

"I promised Him I would become a potent cleric for Him, if He let me aid my troublesome little brother against the balor."

Her smile on those words provoked one from him.

"I thought it was my — our father."

"And yet, you still pushed through with the plan you had made." She squeezed his hand. "We will have peace, Drizzt. I swear it on my continued life."

He contemplated her words a long moment, then laid down on the bedroll, sliding an arm under her neck, tucking close to give her the warmth he had.

"Good. There's been enough strife for us both, I think."

She closed her eyes, shifting a little to be comfortable, and decided that he was still strange to her.

But she had become something different and wanted to embrace the strangeness with him.

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(Which is def not me procrastinating on homework on the second day of a new term.)

If you use a rich text editor to post to DW so that it does all the coding for you, and you don't have to worry about it, it has the potential to make your posts very difficult to read without clicking through to see the journal in your style. A lot of the rich text editors override the page layouts and styles selected by the user (ie, in this case, me, who is not very tech savvy, so apologies if the terminology is wrong, please correct me in comments!).

To show you what it looks like... ( please click through, rather than expanding the cut tag )

It could also be an issue if you force your font to a particular typeface or size, which overrides people who set their journal style with a typeface/size that they need for accessibility reasons (e.g. low vision or dyslexia).

I'm not trying to call anyone out! (The styles are made up examples.) I don't want to discourage using rich text editors, which make posting so easy for people. I just think that everyone is maybe not aware that this is how their posts look on people's reading page.

I've never used a rich text editor, so I have no idea how to tell it just to post text without modifying the colour/size/typeface, but maybe someone in comments can let me know?

There's probably also a way to make my browser strip out people's customisations, though times I've tried that it's ended up with some pretty odd results, so I gave up on it.

Dear Purimgifts Author,

Thank you so much for writing me a story! I love all of these things and I know that whatever you write for me, I will love it too.

In general I am a big fan of: chosen family, happy endings, competence, characters being awesome, theology, snark and banter, kindness. I'm happy with anything that feels right to you given the characters at hand. If you want to cross a given fandom over with Megillat Esther, or with Tanakh in general, that is always my jam. (But you don't have to if you don't want to.)

Write something that makes you happy, and it will make me happy.

Please, no betrayal or unquenchable angst or people being awful to each other or grisly death or anything like that. There's enough of that in RL. Thank you kindly.

In closing: yay Purim! Yay you! Thank you so much!

Kass

( My requests: Lady Astronaut of Mars by Mary Robinette Kowal, Parks and Rec, The Naturalist Society by Carrie Vaughn, Murderbot, The Diplomat, Stardew Valley )

I updated my sticky post with: PSA: if you get an email out of the blue that is supposedly from me, offering to help you with marketing or other publisher services, or asking for money, it is not me, it is a scammer. Also, if you see me on Facebook or Threads or XTwitter, that's not me either.

This is a very common scam now, one of the many scams aimed at aspiring and new writers.

***

I'm still sick, ugh

***

Nice article on Queen Demon on the Daily KOS:

https://www.dailykos.com/stories/2026/1/5/2361356/-The-Language-of-the-Night-Martha-Wells-takes-on-colonization

One of Wells’ most compelling gifts as a writer is the way she interrogates trauma, and trauma is very much in evidence in her recent works, especially in both Murderbot and The Rising World. Where the Murderbot stories form an enslavement narrative as personal journey and healing, the Rising World series applies a wider cultural lens to trauma and loss.

Kai has seen his world ripped apart twice: the way to the underneath, the world of his birth, is shut off; the world of his above existence, the world of the Saredi, is also gone, both of them murdered by the Hierarchs. (You could argue that the third traumatizing loss-of-world is losing Bashasa, but that lies in the gap between past and present narratives.) In the past narrative, a vanquished Kai himself is imprisoned in the Summer Halls until Bashasa frees him and he joins the ad hoc rebellion.

What was the purpose behind raising an unconventional child like Thorn?

Cuckoo’s Egg by C J Cherryh

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Current Mood: angry

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Jan 4: I'd gotten 4 hours sleep before yesterday's museum visit. Woke up after 9-10 hours today, still tired, ankle still hurting. So I wasn't ambitious. I did try to go to the Fabre Insect Museum a short walk away, but it turned out to be closed.

I noticed a bunch of street advertising that looks like official street signs, a la: ( Read more... )

J and I recently re-watched "The Return of the Archons" (after concluding it was the peak Christmas episode for various silly reasons), and there's this small and wonderfully in-character scene when the away party has found sanctuary with a local ally during the Red Hour. They're able to hide in this private room with some bunks, allowing for all but one of the entire party to sleep in the meanwhile. We don't actually see the decision get made. We just cut to the crew members all in the beds and Kirk having taken off his coat to wrap himself in a blanket, protectively keeping watch over his resting crew members. We just get a few quiet moments of this interspliced with the insanity of the Red Hour outside, which he observes with quiet disgust between pacing quietly around the little room, adding some folded clothes to cushion McCoy's head, making sure the young ones are sleeping in their bunks, and checking on Spock (who is lying on his back and either meditating or simply awake the whole time, not needing the sleep but—given how easy the nonverbal communication between them is in this episode—likely aware that trying to convince Kirk to take the bed is not, let's say, a logical use of his time).

It's very cute, honestly, and the episode is so beautifully made that it has an incredibly warm, pleasant quality on a purely visual level. It's the kind of thing that I think gets the kind of kneejerk "oh he's such a father to his men" despite TOS Kirk's very consistent aversion from anything smacking of fatherhood (very obviously for gender role reasons, not reactionary nuclear-family-meets-gender-essentialism retcons from 20 years later reasons). But I definitely ended up thinking "I can't believe I've seen multiple posts straining to frame Janeway as some kind of maternal figure as captain when she doesn't have a parental bone in her body—she's not Team Mom she's Team Captain—and meanwhile Kirk has 100x more fretful mama energy as captain to the point that his long-suffering maternal authority becomes the actual premise of an actual later episode."

In conclusion:

captain, are we there yettttttttt

Current Location: Washington

My new group created Outgunned characters. The cast is

( Read more... )

Event: Just the Tip! Flash Exchange

Event link: Just the Tip Collection

Pinch hit links:
~~IPH #1 - Stranger Things (TV 2016), Push (2009), Original Work~~

IPH #2 - สิงสาลาตาย | Goddess Bless You From Death (TV), KinnPorsche: The Series (TV), Stranger Things (TV 2016), 천둥구름 비바람 | Thundercloud Rainstorm (TV), Thai Actor RPF, We Are คือเรารักกัน | We Are (Thailand TV 2024)

IPH #3 - Yu-Gi-Oh! Duel Monsters (Anime & Manga), Yu-Gi-Oh! Zexal, Gravitation, Yu-Gi-Oh! ARC-V, Xiaolin Showdown (Cartoon), Aladdin (Cartoon 1994), 幽☆遊☆白書 | YuYu Hakusho: Ghost Files (Anime & Manga), Yu-Gi-Oh! 5D's, Dude That's My Ghost!

Due date: January 12 at 10 PM EST

Claim by sending a PM to

westiec or an email to toastedanon+jtt@gmail.com with your ao3 username, an email address, and the pinch hit you are interested in claiming.

TNG season 1: "Conspiracy"

Onward for 36 icons featuring beardless Riker and Enterprise glamor shots.

"Conspiracy" is a weird episode. I don't know why I got the urge to rewatch it, much less icon the heck out of it, but here we are.

( Onward for 36 icons featuring beardless Riker and Enterprise glamor shots )

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beatrice_otter

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Otter's Rock

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poetry: "One King’s Epiphany" by L'Engle

snowflake day 2: pets

HAZBIN HOTEL: Smokescreen 2026

Fic: In the Demon's Claws

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just putting this out there

Dear Purimgifts Author

Updating

Cuckoo’s Egg by C J Cherryh

more apocalyptic signs

Multifandom: 5 Soulmates

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Multifandom Exchange: Traumatic Experiences - Nominations Close Soon!

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