The nineteen rules governing literary art in domain of romantic fiction

[beatrice_otter]

I love Mark Twain--doesn't everybody?--and while re-reading one of my favorite of his essays, I had a thought.  The essay is "Fenimore Cooper's Literary Offenses," a hilarious critique of "The Leatherstocking Tales" by James Fenimore Cooper, the only one of which you have likely heard being The Last of the Mohicans.  Although they were hailed as classics and great works of literature in their day, they've largely fallen out of circulation, largely for the reasons Mark Twain lists.  (Though a modern critic would add quite harsh words about the overwhelming levels of prejudice and condescension towards non-whites in the stories.)

Anyway, the point is, that most of the problems Twain lists can also be found in the worse kinds of fanfic, the kind that make discerning readers hit the back button quite quickly.  I know that none of you, dear Readers, would ever commit these heinous crimes against the Literary Art, but in the hope that some among you may find them Useful, I hereby present "The nineteen rules governing literary art in domain of romantic fiction" as given by Mark Twain, with some additions by myself.

1. That a tale shall accomplish something and arrive somewhere. There's gotta be a reason for me to spend my valuable time reading your fic.

2. They require that the episodes in a tale shall be necessary parts of the tale, and shall help to develop it.  In other words, don't just throw random stuff in there to see what happens.  The difference between real life and fiction is, fiction should make sense.

3. They require that the personages in a tale shall be alive, except in the case of corpses, and that always the reader shall be able to tell the corpses from the others.

4. They require that the personages in a tale, both dead and alive, shall exhibit a sufficient excuse for being there.

5. The require that when the personages of a tale deal in conversation, the talk shall sound like human talk, and be talk such as human beings would be likely to talk in the given circumstances, and have a discoverable meaning, also a discoverable purpose, and a show of relevancy, and remain in the neighborhood of the subject at hand, and be interesting to the reader, and help out the tale, and stop when the people cannot think of anything more to say.

6. They require that when the author describes the character of a personage in the tale, the conduct and conversation of that personage shall justify said description.

7. They require that when a personage talks like an illustrated, gilt-edged, tree-calf, hand-tooled, seven- dollar Friendship's Offering in the beginning of a paragraph, he shall not talk like a negro minstrel in the end of it.

::snip::

9. They require that the personages of a tale shall confine themselves to possibilities and let miracles alone; or, if they venture a miracle, the author must so plausibly set it forth as to make it look possible and reasonable.

10. They require that the author shall make the reader feel a deep interest in the personages of his tale and in their fate; and that he shall make the reader love the good people in the tale and hate the bad ones.

11. They require that the characters in a tale shall be so clearly defined that the reader can tell beforehand what each will do in a given emergency.

In addition to these large rules, there are some little ones. These require that the author shall:

12. Say what he is proposing to say, not merely come near it.

13. Use the right word, not its second cousin.

14. Eschew surplusage.

15. Not omit necessary details.

16. Avoid slovenliness of form.

17. Use good grammar.

18. Employ a simple and straightforward style.

To these I would add:

19. For the love of God, use a beta and a spellchecker.  The more spelling and grammar errors there are, the harder it is to read your fic, and the less likely I am to want to spend the time.

20. Don't be a ----ist jerk, for what ever values of ----- come up in your story.  If you don't know whether you are, or whether there might be issues, think about it for a bit, and find someone--preferably someone who knows a bit about whatever issue you're worried about--who is willing to beta your story.  Also, here's a handy list of Anti-Oppression Resources.  Also, watching metafandom and unfunny_fandom are good ways to find out what people are hot under the collar about, and why.  You don't have to agree with someone to treat them courteously, and that includes fictional characters who are members of groups that may struggle with issues of justice or identity.

There will always be bad!fic, if for no other reason than that every writer has 1 million bad words in zir, and zie just has to write until zie gets them out.  (I know there is a great deal of my early work--two whole novels, and some other stuff--that will never see the light of day again.)  Still, it's a lot quicker to get those million bad words out if one has some idea of what to look for in good work, because if you can find it in your own, it's a lot easier to polish what you've got.